[15:39] wdalphin: HEY WAKE THE HELL UP
[15:43] jakothewoods: I'm here. :)
[15:43] wdalphin: there you are.
[15:43] jakothewoods: I was involved in some afternoon activity.
[15:44] jakothewoods: so you want to dive right in?
[15:44] wdalphin: "afternoon activity"?
[15:44] jakothewoods: skip it
[15:44] wdalphin: :-o
[15:44] wdalphin: Alrighty then!
[15:44] wdalphin: So.... Phone was PHONETACULAR!
[15:45] jakothewoods: Today we're discussing "Phone." A Japanese film about a little girl with a serious Electra Complex, and her Aunt who is actually her biological mother.
[15:45] wdalphin: What's an Elektra Complex?
[15:45] jakothewoods: Er... wait...
[15:45] jakothewoods: that's today's episode of "As The World Turns"
[15:46] jakothewoods: I swear to god, there was so much phone-ringing in that damn movie that it started to seriously grate on my nerves.
[15:46] wdalphin: Phone is a Japanese film about a female reporter who is being stalked over a news story she did, and who, in the process of changing her phone number, stumbles upon a ghost story!
[15:46] jakothewoods: What a co-inky-dink!
[15:47] wdalphin: The coinky dink is that ghost story actually involves her and her sister's family!
[15:47] jakothewoods: Yes, well, ghost stories do have a way of coming conveniently full-circle
[15:48] wdalphin: Never before have I been so frightened of the number 6 and the number 4.
[15:48] jakothewoods: What's the Japanese word for "Vengeful ghost" by the way?
[15:48] jakothewoods: Ah, ah! Numerology! It was double sixes, and double fours.
[15:48] jakothewoods: because double sixes and double fours mean possesive, mean love.
[15:49] wdalphin: I think the Japanese word for vengeful ghost is "vengufru gostu"
[15:49] jakothewoods: resulting in one being walled up in a guest room (should one be a pregnant japanese schoolgirl)
[15:49] wdalphin: That's what I do whenever I impregnate a girl.
[15:49] wdalphin: "Welp, that one's goin behind my mantle!"
[15:50] jakothewoods: I have to say, parts of the story made more sense once you turned off the translation.
[15:51] jakothewoods: AND, besides the "ghost coming out of the wall" scene, and the freaky little girl screaming and rolling up her eyes, I found this movie about as scary as the original version of Dracula.
[15:51] wdalphin: That's what I do when I look at women on the street... I'm sizing them up. "Damn, she's tall, I'm going to need at least two rolls of plasticwrap..."
[15:51] wdalphin: The little girl was a side-step from the norm. I'm used to creepy little boys in Japanese horror movies.
[15:52] jakothewoods: I mean come on. "GASP! The phone is ringing!" The Japanese are rapidly being pigeonholed in my mind into technology-fearing, oblivion-obsessed tentacle-lovers.
[15:52] jakothewoods: Creepy little boys? Name a movie?
[15:52] wdalphin: I liked where she threw herself down the stairs and then leaked blood from her mouth. I actively encourage this in today's youth as a form of weight loss.
[15:52] wdalphin: Name a movie? Ringu. Uzumaki.
[15:52] jakothewoods: What about tearing the flesh from ones own face? Every little bit counts...
[15:53] jakothewoods: Ahh.. wait, what? Ringu was abut a creepy little GIRL.
[15:53] wdalphin: The ghost was a girl... the child of the main character was a boy though.
[15:53] jakothewoods: He wasn't creepy. He was cute.
[15:53] wdalphin: Creepy.
[15:53] jakothewoods: Cute.
[15:53] wdalphin: Creepy.
[15:54] jakothewoods: CREEPY.
[15:54] wdalphin: yes.
[15:54] jakothewoods: Er, I mean CUTE.
[15:54] jakothewoods: Damn you. You win.
[15:54] wdalphin: Did you figure it was the sister?
[15:54] wdalphin: I kinda figured it was the husband.
[15:55] jakothewoods: That part was a surprise. I was sure it was the dad.
[15:55] wdalphin: It seemed so obvious. They actually pulled one over on me.
[15:55] jakothewoods: I just wish that the movie had somehow included vicious monkeys.
[15:56] wdalphin: I have to say though... that girl (the ghost) was a total bitch. I mean, after she died, she tortured her best friend, and then caused a couple complete strangers to die.
[15:56] jakothewoods: Ghosts? Enh. Car crashes? Enh. Blood seepage? Enh. Vicious monkeys? Eeeek!
[15:56] wdalphin: eek eek.
[15:56] jakothewoods: Yeah, well, no one ever said you had to make sense when you were dead. Maybe her second-sight was off, so she missed a couple times.
[15:57] wdalphin: and then she possessed this little girl and threw her down a flight of stairs. What did the little girl do? Oh right, she was the spawn of her killer, so she must suffer too!
[15:57] jakothewoods: Japanese ghosts rarely discriminate between victims, in my experience. They just lash out angrily, until someone takes notice. Sort of like a two-year-old.
[15:57] wdalphin: and SHE ANSWERED THE PHONE
[15:57] wdalphin: I guess she held a GRUDGE
[15:57] wdalphin: Hey, there you go, another creepy male kid.
[15:57] jakothewoods: That movie sucked my... toe.
[15:57] wdalphin: "MEOOOOWWWWW"
[15:57] jakothewoods: Okay, that little boy was creepy, I agree.
[15:58] wdalphin: Japanese people take their shit to the extreme, let me say.
[15:58] jakothewoods: I have a question for you?
[15:58] wdalphin: Ghost haunting you? STAB YOURSELF IN THE EYES AND EARS.
[15:58] wdalphin: Okay.
[15:59] jakothewoods: Do you understand the Japanese preoccupation with long hair?
[15:59] wdalphin: it's scary when their faces are covered.
[15:59] wdalphin: because then they could very well have NO FACE, and ou would wet your pants.
[15:59] jakothewoods: but their faces weren't covered in this, they were just facing away.
[16:00] jakothewoods: I must take back something I said earlier - I have a thing about reflections and mirrors, so her seeing that girl in all those reflections and mirrors weirded me out some.
[16:00] wdalphin: Speaking of long hair, in the dream sequence, when she was approaching the girl with the long hair on the bed, I was like "NOOOOO... THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER THE BED" and then the arm came out and I was like, "see? I told yo-- wtf, it was a dream!"
[16:01] jakothewoods: the whole "it's a dream" thing is way over-used. I mean come on, Read some Gaiman.
[16:01] wdalphin: It was weird when the mirror shook and the face became visible, but every time she saw her after, I was like, "why don't you just take all the mirrors down and change back to your old phone number?"
[16:01] jakothewoods: And remember to unplug that computer that's so conveniently plugged into the corpses HAIR!
[16:02] jakothewoods: 6644
[16:02] wdalphin: And the whole stalker guy thing got played down... it was weird. I mean, the whole time you're supposed to think "maybe it's really that stalker guy!" but then he kidnapped her and tried to kill her, and the phone rang, and he said hello, and the ghost said EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe
[16:02] wdalphin: and then he cried and ran away and that was that.
[16:02] jakothewoods: Well, all bullies are weaklings, you know.
[16:03] wdalphin: Yeah, but... it was just kind of... random.
[16:03] wdalphin: AND THE STALKER WAS NEVER HEARD OF OR MENTIONED AGAIN.
[16:04] jakothewoods: I was totally confused by the beginning, too. There's this lady in an elevator, and her phone rings, and she screams "stop it stop it" into the phone, and then the phone rings again, and she answers it and listens, and it makes this high pitched screeching noise at her, and she covers her ears, and then breaks all her nails on the elevator walls, and then slumps in a corner.
[16:04] jakothewoods: I thought the ghost ate the stalker.
[16:04] wdalphin: Don't forget-- she looked out the elevator window and saw a girl in a hallway!
[16:05] wdalphin: They said later that she had a heart attack.
[16:05] wdalphin: she had a heart attack, and the other victim crashed his car.
[16:06] jakothewoods: yeah, they said that LATER. But that's how they started the movie. I was sitting there going "hunh?" when it all happened initially.
[16:07] wdalphin: Well, did you watch the beginning of The Ring, and the girl opens her door and screamed, and you went "huh?" or did you wait to see what happened?
[16:07] jakothewoods: I appreciate the Japanese horror genre. I appreciate the things they've brought to horror. Hair in the water, covered faces, sounds that kill, vengeful ghosts... I appreciate all that. I just wish they could put together a story with the elements that made some kind of consistant sense.
[16:08] wdalphin: psh.
[16:08] wdalphin: At least the Japanese didn't make A Sound of Thunder.
[16:08] wdalphin: I watched that later the same day.
[16:08] wdalphin: Holy shit.
[16:09] wdalphin: In the words of Richie Cusack, "How do you fuck THAT up?"
[16:09] jakothewoods: I honestly feel the Ring was better than Ringu, because the writers made the story have some kind of coherent plot. For me. See, I realize what the problem is. The problem is that these stories are coming from a different culture, and so they have different expectations, understand different implied things, and draw from different folklore. So it doesn't make sense TO ME, when I watch it.
[16:10] wdalphin: The Grudge made sense to me.
[16:10] jakothewoods: A Sound of Thunder was... It wasn't bad. It wasn't good, either. The movie could never have been made, and it wouldn't have changed a thing. It had no impact on my life except for a loss of time.
[16:10] wdalphin: You want weird Japanese horror, try Suciide Club.
[16:10] wdalphin: Or worse, try Evil Dead Trap 2.
[16:10] wdalphin: Or better yet, don't.
[16:10] jakothewoods: The Grudge made some sense, yes, but there were elements in it that didn't. Why did the jawless girl go after her boss later in the movie?
[16:11] wdalphin: Because the grudge was ever-growing.
[16:11] wdalphin: With each death, the grudge grew.
[16:11] jakothewoods: I prefer the big-name horror movies, because they tend to be slightly better.
[16:11] jakothewoods: Yeah, but was't the grudge tied to the house? The boss never went in the house, that IO can recall. Or maybe he did for a moment, early in the movie...
[16:12] wdalphin: The grudge wasn't tied to the house... after all, that one lady was killed in her apartment.
[16:12] wdalphin: Sarah Michelle Gellar was killed in the morgue.
[16:12] jakothewoods: Yes, but she had been IN the house.
[16:12] wdalphin: Well, my guess is Ted Raimi had visited the house at least once.
[16:13] wdalphin: He'd probably have had to, to meet the people he was going to assign people to help.
[16:13] jakothewoods: Oh well. Anyway, The Grudge was a decent horror movie, one I'd tell people to see. Phone is not.
[16:14] wdalphin: it wasn't as scary as The Grudge, but it was alright.
[16:14] wdalphin: There was no THING to be frightened of, is the problem.
[16:14] jakothewoods: except the sound of the ringing phone.
[16:14] jakothewoods: And the dead girl in the wall.
[16:15] wdalphin: I mean, in The Ring, you've got that fucking videotape that's all freaky and the picture of the well on the tv set... and that SOUND... that twittering sound you hear... it scares you, and you fear hearing it. In the grudge, it's that croaking sound the female ghost makes... that death rattle she makes as she comes for you....
[16:15] wdalphin: Phone had ... what? a ring tone? a number.
[16:15] jakothewoods: Oohg. I'd forgotten the croak.
[16:16] wdalphin: But even the girl in the wall didn't do anything... she slid out of her spot and tipped over... then later she was back in place and someone was dead.
[16:16] jakothewoods: No, you must have missed that.
[16:16] wdalphin: I was watching... she came out of her nails and tipped over.
[16:16] jakothewoods: At the end, the dead girl was out of the wall, and the SISTER was hung up in the wall.
[16:17] wdalphin: she was?
[16:17] wdalphin: I did miss it.
[16:17] jakothewoods: Yes, and then when the main chick came-to, Jin-Hee (the ghost girl) was lying on the floor, dead, and the main chick's sister (films supposed villain) was nailed up in her place.
[16:17] wdalphin: I thought the sister was in the corner.
[16:18] wdalphin: huh.
[16:18] jakothewoods: nah, see, that was the gotcha" of the film. Not very strong, by my lights.
[16:18] wdalphin: they all looked the same to me.
[16:18] wdalphin: The sister's hair got wicked long.
[16:18] wdalphin: Because all the hair was still there.
[16:18] jakothewoods: Hahaha. You must be a hit with your asian friends.
[16:19] wdalphin: I am suspicious of this claim.
[16:19] wdalphin: Because all that growing weird hair in the wall was still there.
[16:20] jakothewoods: You are allowed to be suspicious, but I stand by my statement.
[16:20] wdalphin: Fair enough.
[16:20] wdalphin: So, did the little girl die?
[16:21] wdalphin: They showed her in the hospital.
[16:21] jakothewoods: I think she was turned into soylent green.
[16:21] wdalphin: She broke her neck, I think. At the very least, she was paralyzed.
[16:21] wdalphin: or comatose.
[16:21] jakothewoods: she was a vegetable, and eaten by vegetarians.
[16:21] wdalphin: And the husband, I think, was dead too... his wife slit his wrists, but you didn't see all that much blood.
[16:22] jakothewoods: yeah, I was given to understand that he was dead.
[16:22] wdalphin: I believe that was supposed to be ironic.... the main lady thought her sister's family was perfect, and in the end, they were all either dead or in a vegetative state.
[16:23] jakothewoods: So everybody but Ji-Won died, and then she threw her phone with the "bad" number into the sea, where it began to ring again.
[16:23] jakothewoods: And some fish answered it, and promptly stabbed out it's eyes with a coral.
[16:27] jakothewoods: I am spent. I give this movie three Stars. The reflections, corpse and little girl made my skin creep. The rest of the movie just urged something a little more... south to move.
[16:27] wdalphin: I give it three stars too.
[16:27] wdalphin: and I would like to add that fish cannot answer phones.
[16:27] wdalphin: But an octopus can.
[16:27] jakothewoods: fish can too answer phones.
[16:28] jakothewoods: fine. Some pre-sushi answered the phone, and stabbed its eyes out with a coral.
[16:28] wdalphin: sushi is rice.
[16:29] jakothewoods: sushi is rice and a variety of many things, including squid, which have tentacles.
[16:29] jakothewoods: tentacles = phone-answerativeness.
[16:29] wdalphin: I guess that would be a tentaphone.
[16:30] jakothewoods: ....right.
[16:30] jakothewoods: So do you have Blood Rayne at home?
[16:30] wdalphin: All aquatic communicators prefer octopi to squid when handling their phone service.
[16:30] wdalphin: I don't. I sent in the movies on Monday, so I'd really appreciate a movie choice as soon as possible, before new ones get sent and you screw me over. :P
[16:30] jakothewoods: Octopodes, you mean, technically. An Octopus Operator, hunh?
[16:31] wdalphin: well, they can hold more calls.
[16:31] jakothewoods: Squid and Whale?
[16:31] wdalphin: okay.
[16:31] jakothewoods: Octopodes only have 8 arms. Squid have 10.
[16:32] wdalphin: I thought they typically had 6
[16:32] jakothewoods: All righty, I've already got The Squid and The Whale here, so it'll be all set for Monday. :-D
[16:32] jakothewoods: lemme check my notes...
[16:32] wdalphin: well shit, you're too late... according to my list, the movies got sent. I've got Hide and Seek, Bloodrayne, and Undead.
[16:33] wdalphin: That's what happens when you slack on getting the movies, and then make me wait two days to discuss them with you.
[16:33] wdalphin: *GUILT TRIP*
[16:33] jakothewoods: I've got Blood Rayne here too, so that's fine if you want. :)
[16:33] wdalphin: Okay, but that was going to be my next choice, so next time, we'll do the squid and the whale.
[16:34] wdalphin: so we'll be even.
[16:34] jakothewoods: Squid have, according to basic squid physiology, 8 "arms" (shorter tentacles) and two "tentacles" (longer tentacles)
[16:34] jakothewoods: That's fine, I'm good with that. :)
[16:34] jakothewoods: that makes 10 tentacles, with two of them simply being twice as long as the others.
[16:35] wdalphin: Fine, so Squid can hold more calls.
[16:35] wdalphin: Yay Squid!
[16:35] wdalphin: I never doubted you for a second, Squid.
[16:35] jakothewoods: I like the sound of Octopus Operator better though, so they can have the job.
[16:35] wdalphin: that is bigotry!
[16:36] wdalphin: you are an alphabeticist.
[16:36] jakothewoods: When it comes down to choosing a giant aquatic spider, or a cephalopod, I don't think anyone is going to mind.
[16:36] wdalphin: don't you know you shouldn't judge people on the first letter of their name?
[16:36] jakothewoods: Whatever, Wil. You can go sit at the back of the cass now.
[16:36] wdalphin: If we all acted like you, nobody with the letter R in their name would ever be able to hold a job.
[16:37] jakothewoods: So? Like I care. I'm a "J" and a "D" respectively. I'm good.
[16:37] wdalphin: well you're acting like an "A" and an "O"
[16:38] jakothewoods: shouldn't that last one be "H"?
[16:38] wdalphin: it looks like a hole.
[16:38] jakothewoods: Oh, gotcha. Visual jokes rock! Nice one, centurian.
[16:38] wdalphin: grassy ass
[16:39] wdalphin: btw - just to return to it for a second... A Sound of Thunder really sucked, didn't it?
[16:39] jakothewoods: you planning on visiting Jules while we're up?
[16:39] wdalphin: yes
[16:39] jakothewoods: Yes, A Sound of Thunder was a black hole of a movie, into which my joy of movies was sucked.
[16:40] jakothewoods: Actually, it wasn't that bad, it was just, "Oh, wow, that wasn't so good. What a waste of time."
[16:40] wdalphin: It makes me want to kill Ray Bradbury, bury him, then dig up the surrounding area and put it in a cement mixer so I can say that he is rolling in his grave.
[16:41] jakothewoods: did he write the screenplay?
[16:41] wdalphin: It felt like the screenwriter (and everybody else involved) had never read the story, but had someone describe it to them.
[16:41] jakothewoods: I've never read the story, myself.
[16:42] wdalphin: "See, the idea is that there's time travel in the future, and a company takes people into the past to hunt dinosaurs that are already about to die... then one guy steps on a butterfly, and it changes the future."
[16:42] wdalphin: and then the screenwriter goes, "oh, I can write that!"
[16:42] wdalphin: but he accidentally uses the script as toilet paper.
[16:42] jakothewoods: Hm, this whole "butterfly effect" thing is being taken just a tad too seriously, if you ask me.
[16:42] wdalphin: and then the director goes, "this script smells like feces, bt I think I can direct a movie around this.
[16:43] jakothewoods: I think that's the standard operating procedure for Uwe Boll, btw.
[16:43] wdalphin: and then Ben Kingsley is handed the script, and he goes, "I can't read, didn't I tell you? But I'm going to be starring in a Uwe Boll movie later, so I really can't complain about this. I need the money or I won't be able to afford anymore prostitutes."
[16:45] wdalphin: I'll bet there were a couple people who worked on the movie who said, "uh, excuse me, but this doesn't follow the story AT ALL" and they were promptly escorted off the premises... and shot. and stabbed. and castrated. and poisoned. and beaten. and then drowned. And then nobody ever complained again.
[16:45] jakothewoods: Ye gods.
[16:45] wdalphin: it was so bad, I wanted to destroy the disc and then tell netflix I mailed it and it never got there.
[16:45] jakothewoods: All right, I have to go make avocado-carrot soup. :) I've got Blood Rayne here, ready to watch over the weekend. Louie liked the movie, btw.
[16:46] wdalphin: ...
[16:46] jakothewoods: hey, to each their own. :
[16:46] jakothewoods: :)
[16:46] wdalphin: *crosses Louie's name off my will*
[16:46] wdalphin: enjoy your soup.
[16:46] jakothewoods: Ta, old bean!

Conclusion:
Jak: ***
Wil: ***