[14:35] jakothewoods: bizarro. Anyway, it's working now. You available?
[14:35] wdalphin: yes.
[14:35] wdalphin: I was in a meeting.
[14:35] jakothewoods: were you there earlier?
[14:35] jakothewoods: Ahhh. Sorry.
[14:36] jakothewoods: I couldn't log onto yahoo messager, and I thought maybe I weasn't receiving messages on the other one either
[14:36] wdalphin: I was here until 2:00, then I had to go sit in a meeting.
[14:36] wdalphin: I just got out.
[14:36] jakothewoods: You want me to avenge you?
[14:36] wdalphin: ... no.
[14:36] jakothewoods: Okay. I'll just turn it into something else.
[14:37] wdalphin: turn what into something else?
[14:37] jakothewoods: My anxiety about not being online? My hatred of all things commie?
[14:37] jakothewoods: choose one
[14:38] wdalphin: I choooooseeee...
[14:38] wdalphin: Charlie Sheen.
[14:38] jakothewoods: Yeah, he took that movie, and made a golden career, didn't he?

Ditto Mr. Swayze.
[14:39] wdalphin: Hey, hey, HEY! Charlie Sheen went on to make such great movies as Hot Shots and Men At Work!
[14:40] jakothewoods: you're making my point FOR me. And Patty boy went on to such great things as "Road House."
[14:40] wdalphin: And Patrick Swayze went on to play a transvestite and the owner of a kiddie porn dungeon!
[14:40] wdalphin: So watch it.
[14:42] wdalphin: Dude, Charlie Sheen was in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. So there.
[14:42] jakothewoods: I can't really think of a lot to say about this movie, other than I find it fascinating that what are essentially a bunch of redneck high school kids are able to hold off the combined armed forces of Cuba and the Soviets.
[14:42] wdalphin: He was Zane Zaminski in The Arrival!
[14:42] jakothewoods: Because, as we all know, commies can't shoot straight.
[14:42] wdalphin: I just dig a movie where I get to watch Cubans shoot the stars of Dirty Dancing.
[14:43] jakothewoods: Granted, the high school kids had home court advantage, but still...
[14:43] jakothewoods: Fair enough, fair enough. When that chick who was in dirty dancing did a backflip off the rock because she was shot in the chest, I chuckled.
[14:43] jakothewoods: well, it was more of a whoop than a chuckle.
[14:44] jakothewoods: And no wonder Marty McFly was so fucked up! His mom was raped by russians!
[14:44] wdalphin: They didn't show the explosion, but when that soldier grabbed Jennifer Grey's corpse by the hair and tugged her up, and you saw the grenade roll out from under her... my mind visualized Jennifer Grey being blown in half by the explosion, and lots of messy blood and guts.
[14:45] jakothewoods: I can never remember their names.
[14:45] jakothewoods: Were you enjoying yourself, Wil?
[14:45] wdalphin: I... what do you mean
[14:45] jakothewoods: I mean did you like the visualization you just described?
[14:45] wdalphin: Oh, oh yes.
[14:46] wdalphin: Yes, I did.
[14:46] wdalphin: That is all though.
[14:46] jakothewoods: I take it you don't like Jennifer Grey? Sicko.
[14:46] wdalphin: I was not doing anything else.
[14:46] wdalphin: I WAS NOT ABUSING MY BODY.
[14:46] jakothewoods: You liked it, but you couldn't clap, eh?
[14:46] wdalphin: clap.
[14:46] wdalphin: yes.
[14:46] wdalphin: no.
[14:46] wdalphin: I did not... clap.
[14:46] wdalphin: but I did rewind.
[14:46] wdalphin: And watch it five times.
[14:47] wdalphin: and then maybe go take a shower.
[14:47] wdalphin: MAYBE.
[14:47] jakothewoods: I had a sleeping spouse leaning against me at the time. Steph deigned to watch the movie, but fell asleep about half an hour in, and snored (loudly) through most of it.
[14:48] wdalphin: that's very sad.
[14:48] jakothewoods: So I was not able to calp. Well, but I made an exception when the Russian Specialist finally took down Charlie and Pat.
[14:48] wdalphin: She missed getting to see C Thomas Howell get cut in half by helicopter fire.
[14:48] jakothewoods: Who is he, anyway? He looked so familiar.
[14:48] wdalphin: He was in the Hitcher.
[14:48] jakothewoods: I thought his stand against a GIANT MACHINE-GUN TOTING SLOW MOTION HELICOPTER seemed rather stupidly futile, btw.
[14:48] jakothewoods: I've never seen The Hitcher.
[14:49] wdalphin: It was dumb, but it was fun to watch.
[14:49] wdalphin: He was also one of the kids in E.T.
[14:49] jakothewoods: There's nothing more enjoyable than watching young actors of questionable talent get perforated.
[14:49] wdalphin: He was one of The Outsiders?
[14:49] jakothewoods: I wouldn't remember him from that, it's been a long time.
[14:49] wdalphin: He is distantly related to Thurston Howell.
[14:49] jakothewoods: Never see nthe Outsiders.
[14:50] wdalphin: Oh well.
[14:51] wdalphin: You knew he was going to die, because he shot his friend with an AK-47.
[14:51] jakothewoods: Sorry. :)
[14:51] wdalphin: Which was also awesome, btw.
[14:51] wdalphin: What a great movie.... kids shooting kids.
[14:51] jakothewoods: Yeah, even good guys, if they perform semi-dishonourable deeds, must die. Well known storytellig fact.
[14:51] jakothewoods: Sort of like Lord of the Flies, only with guns. And soviets.
[14:52] wdalphin: I liked the shot of the first dead kid... when the Cubans parachuted outside the school and shot at it... there was that dead kid hanging out the window.
[14:52] jakothewoods: Honestly, I just wasn't as impressed with this movie as I thought I'd be. I've wanted to see this movie for years (yes, I know, it's sad) and I finally get to see it, and what does it turn out to be? A bunch of gunfight vignettes.
[14:52] wdalphin: hehehe, Daryl was Piggy.
[14:53] wdalphin: "I've got the conch! I've got the con--OH SHIT"
[14:53] jakothewoods: I remember seeing that. I thought "Oh, how sad." I always hate it a little in movies when innocent bystanders are killed. I don't know why.
[14:53] wdalphin: I laughed
[14:53] wdalphin: And watched it again.
[14:53] wdalphin: Dead kid!
[14:54] wdalphin: And Powers Boothe... boy, did he overact. "Shoot... straight... for once... you... bastards..." CROAK
[14:55] jakothewoods: That first Parachute in was really poorly executed btw. None of the soldiers were acting in concert, it seemed. A realy air drop like that, everyone would have known exactly where they were supposed to be and what they were supposed to do. The movie was slightly unrealistic in that way, because real soldiers are more disciplined than those guys were. Looting and raping aren't really tolerated, even by the invading force's commanders. It's bad for morale.
[14:55] jakothewoods: That whole tank scene, I didn't understand exactly why they were where they were, or what they were supposed to be doing.
[14:55] jakothewoods: It was a very confusing movie, for me.
[14:55] wdalphin: god damn the unrealism of this "communists invade small town america and are defeated by children" movie!
[14:56] jakothewoods: The kids seemed to be perfet shots, who could gain full cover from saplings and small bumps in the ground.
[14:56] wdalphin: When I watch movies about communists invading small towns in Texas and shooting children, I want ACCURACY, for fuck's sake!
[14:57] wdalphin: accuracy and girls getting blown in half with grenades.
[14:57] jakothewoods: Plus, let me just ask, Where the hell did they get a turret-mounted 50-calibre gun from? During one raid scene, they've got Lea Thompson on the back of a truck manning a 50-cal. Are the communists REALLY that incompetent?
[14:58] wdalphin: TO: Hollywood Filmmakers

Dear Sirs,

The next time you have a chance to blow Jennifer Grey up with a grenade, please do NOT cut away. Otherwise, you can't be sure if you succeeded!

Sincerely,
Wil.
[14:58] wdalphin: They had the 50 calibre thingamawhatsit from one of their raids.
[14:59] wdalphin: by the end, all their weapons were supplied to them by their vicims.
[14:59] jakothewoods: *laughs* Ditto With Swayze. I din't see no blood in that last scene of his. He mighta been able to crawl away down a drain or something, and slowly recover/fester in the sewers, until he re-emerges into the light as RADIOACTIVE SLIME PAT!
[14:59] jakothewoods: Oh wait. He did. RoadHouse.
[15:00] wdalphin: While he was down there, he trained a small group of mutated turtles how to roundhouse kick.
[15:00] jakothewoods: I dismiss this movie as a sad attempt at patriotism, and give it 3 stars.
[15:00] jakothewoods: Wait... Patrick Swayuze's secret identity is... Splinter?!
[15:01] jakothewoods: How Rodential.
[15:01] wdalphin: I gave it three stars too, because it had the gall to show C Thomas Howell get shot up by a helicopter, and yet CUT AWAY when Jennifer Grey got blown apart by a grenade. I declare this movie sexist.
[15:01] jakothewoods: You harbour deep neurosis that should be seen to by a specialist, my brother. What's our next movie?
[15:02] wdalphin: Phone.
[15:02] jakothewoods: That's okay, I'll wait. Lemme know when you're off though.
[15:02] wdalphin: By the way, those were the WORST hypno-prison camps ever made.
[15:03] jakothewoods: I don't think they were going for subliminal messages, I'll admit.
[15:03] wdalphin: Not only was nobody watching the hypno movie, but wanted people were able to walk right up to the fence and chitchat with the prisoners.
[15:04] wdalphin: Our next movie is Phone. It's a Japanese horror movie.
[15:04] jakothewoods: Like I said, their whole invasion was slipshod. If you really wanted to invade the U.S. like that, you'd need tighter troops, and not settle just for cutting the nation in half.
[15:04] wdalphin: Just like I told you on Monday.
[15:04] jakothewoods: Ah, vengeful ghost.
[15:04] jakothewoods: Yes, I know Wil. Breaking fourth wall. Smile for the camera.
[15:04] wdalphin: Have you been giggling all week, eager to make that quasi-joke? :P
[15:04] jakothewoods: only a little.
[15:04] jakothewoods: :-D
[15:05] wdalphin: I can see it now.
[15:05] wdalphin: "hehehehe! I can't wait until he says phone again!"
[15:05] wdalphin: JERK STORE, JERRY, JERK STORE!
[15:05] jakothewoods: I don't "hehehe" I make "snerk"ing noises.
[15:06] wdalphin: snork noises?
[15:06] wdalphin: *blub blub blub*
[15:06] jakothewoods: SNERK
[15:07] wdalphin: Is that like a jerk snork?
[15:07] wdalphin: "God, Allstar, you're acting like such a SNERK!"
[15:07] jakothewoods: Snorks were just drowning smurfs.
[15:08] wdalphin: I see you're looking at the IMDb page for it.
[15:08] jakothewoods: what, Red Dawn?
[15:08] wdalphin: No, Snorks.
[15:09] jakothewoods: Actually, I wasn't.
[15:09] wdalphin: "User Comments: This is what happens when you try to drown a Smurf "
[15:09] jakothewoods: interesting coincidence.
[15:09] wdalphin: Sureeeee
[15:09] jakothewoods: Mine was totally original though
[15:10] wdalphin: I featured the Snorks in my 9th grade Spanish film project.
[15:10] wdalphin: "El Silencio De Los Smurf"
[15:10] jakothewoods: I vaguely, vaguely remember that.
[15:11] wdalphin: Well... I guess that's it for Red Dawn. I hope you're satisfied, and will stop talking about it now that you've actually seen it. :P
[15:12] jakothewoods: I'm satisfied. It can now fade into obscurity for me.
[15:12] wdalphin: yay
[15:12] jakothewoods: I have a question.
[15:12] wdalphin: get it off your amazon wish list before somebody accidentally buys it for you.
[15:13] jakothewoods: Do you like Sylvester Stallone?
[15:13] wdalphin: why, what have you heard?
[15:13] wdalphin: look, I was young, and I needed the money.
[15:13] jakothewoods: Have you ever seen "Over the Top"?
[15:13] wdalphin: it had nothing to do with likes or dislikes.
[15:13] wdalphin: oh
[15:13] wdalphin: no.
[15:13] wdalphin: but I've seen Rambo.
[15:13] wdalphin: And Oscar
[15:13] jakothewoods: Well you're going to then. :)
[15:14] wdalphin: And Deathrace 2000.
[15:14] wdalphin: I wish I hadn't seen Deathrace 2000, because then I could pick it for us to watch, and that would be fun to talk about.
[15:14] wdalphin: instead, I'll just recommend it.
[15:15] jakothewoods: Noted. Memo to self: never watch Deathrace 2000
[15:15] wdalphin: nono, DO, do watch it.
[15:15] wdalphin: Sylvester Stallone is only a minor character.
[15:15] wdalphin: The main character is David Carradine in a leather dominatrix outfit.
[15:15] wdalphin: and his name is Frankenstein.
[15:16] jakothewoods: Red Dawn isn't in my wishlist, you liar. I just checked!
[15:16] jakothewoods: David Carradine. Now there's a man in need of acting lessons.
[15:16] wdalphin: that's because I just bought it for you.
[15:16] wdalphin: I told you to hurry up.
[15:16] jakothewoods: You did not. I just checked.
[15:17] wdalphin: heh heh heh
[15:18] jakothewoods: I'm not saying Over the Top is going to be our next one of my choice. I'm just giving you fair warning.
[15:18] wdalphin: thanks for the warning.
[15:18] wdalphin: I'll pick Bloodrayne after that, just for a warning. so don't watch it. :P
[15:19] jakothewoods: :-D

Conclusion:
Jak: ***
Wil: ***