[14:28] jakothewoods: how, kemosabe?
[14:28] wdalphin: there you are... I was beginning to wonder.
[14:28] jakothewoods: wonder what?
[14:28] wdalphin: I wondered if your magic robot friend might have sent you into space.
[14:29] jakothewoods: I -am- the magic robot friend. I can even do the voice.
[14:29] wdalphin: Good. Good for you. That's something to write on your resume.
[14:29] wdalphin: Kinda like how I included that I'd be willing to take a bullet for a coworker on mine.
[14:30] jakothewoods: I'll bet they jumped to hire you.
[14:30] wdalphin: I listed under "skills".
[14:30] jakothewoods: So Lea Thompson in a jumpsuit. That was nice, no?
[14:30] wdalphin: I don't know how much of a skill it is, considering it's based entirely on chance.
[14:30] wdalphin: No.
[14:30] wdalphin: That movie was awful. It was terrible.
[14:31] wdalphin: I wish the screenwriter had been shot into space by a magic robot.
[14:31] jakothewoods: okay, well, she was young then. But project. Older Lea Thompson in a jumpsuit. In that -same- junmpsuit...
[14:31] wdalphin: She looks the same now as she did then but with more wrinkles.
[14:31] jakothewoods: Magic Robots are notorious for their nutty behavior, and their lack of launching screenwriters into orbit.
[14:31] wdalphin: I can't imagine that Spacecamp quite brought in the business that NASA was expecting.
[14:32] wdalphin: If anything, I would be afraid to send my child to spacecamp after seeing that movie.
[14:32] jakothewoods: which, the movie or the actual spacecamp?
[14:32] wdalphin: The movie...
[14:32] wdalphin: The security was considerably lax.
[14:32] wdalphin: Even for the 80s.
[14:33] jakothewoods: Tom Skerrit was a bonus though. Who knew we'd get so much wonderful Skerritness?
[14:33] wdalphin: More Skerritt is always a good thing.
[14:33] wdalphin: However, Tate Donovan lacks enough upper lip to cover his teeth.
[14:34] jakothewoods: Agreed. He's got some kind of permanent sneer.
[14:34] wdalphin: It is a sad thing that Joaquin Phoenix, born with a hairlip that required surgery and left a life-long scar, was a more attractive individual at ten than Tate Donovan was at 18.
[14:34] jakothewoods: How About Kate Capshaw? I thought Willie was stuck with Indy, but it looks like she married Skerrit (who wouldn't) and became a pilot!
[14:35] wdalphin: I reimagined his kissing scene with Lea Thompson. "Oh Tate Donovan, you have won me over! Here are my lips, since your own are so sadly inadequate."
[14:35] wdalphin: I kept hoping an alien would burst out of Kate Capshaw's stomach.
[14:36] wdalphin: You cannot even control your hair, Kate... why do you wonder they don't ever make you an astronaut?
[14:36] jakothewoods: Aliens - another factor missing from the movie that could have potentially made it ten times better. But not Aliens as one might have run into in "The Explorers"
[14:36] wdalphin: I haven't seen that yet.
[14:36] wdalphin: That features the more dead Phoenix.
[14:37] wdalphin: I want to say something about the token minority for a moment.
[14:38] jakothewoods: I was forced to Watch it with Stephanie. It's okay at first, but takes a turn for the bizzare near the end.
[14:38] wdalphin: Every time he was on camera, I couldn't help but see him as Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds.
[14:38] jakothewoods: BTW, Joaquin never had a hairlip. "Contrary to popular belief, the scar on his lip is not the result of a repaired cleft lip or palate. It is simply a birth mark. Phoenix has stated in interviews that, while pregnant with him, his mother felt a sharp pain one day, and he was born with a mark on his lip." - Quoted from IMDB Trivia.
[14:39] wdalphin: Whenever they had him working the mechanical arm, I was waiting for somebody to say, "the mechanical arm has been aerodynamically designed to accommodate Lamar's limp-wristed throwing style."
[14:39] jakothewoods: Yeah, I didn't recognize him until Steph said "It's that javelin guy from Revenge of the Nerds!" And then every time he spoke all I heard was "clap your hands everybody, and everybody clap your hands" said in that soft voice.
[14:39] wdalphin: a sharp pain during pregnancy? That's unheard of.
[14:41] wdalphin: I chuckled to myself when Tate told Lamar that he was wasting the air. They were all wastes of air as far as I was concerned.
[14:41] jakothewoods: Well, Except for Lea, who would go on to give birth to Marty McFly, and Joaquin, who was integral, if villainous, in the return of Rome to the Common People.
[14:42] wdalphin: Here's a question... that group of kids seemed to be the biggest bunch of screw-ups at Spacecamp... so why in HELL did they get the privilege of sitting in the shuttle during engine test?
[14:42] wdalphin: besides furthering the plot by letting the magic robot shoot them into space.
[14:42] wdalphin: I love how Spacecamp computers override NASA's mainframe AND can cause fatal accidents!
[14:43] jakothewoods: Kate was sleeping with the director. Enough bedroom acrobatics, and her little juvenile delinquent space monkies were allowed anything they wanted.
[14:43] wdalphin: Steven Speilberg directed this crap?
[14:43] jakothewoods: Mmmm SPACE MONKEYS!
[14:44] jakothewoods: Everyone has their bad days, Wil. Don't judge.
[14:44] wdalphin: I hate movies that rely on numbers for suspense.
[14:44] jakothewoods: numbers? Explain.
[14:45] wdalphin: Sure.
[14:45] wdalphin: I have written a short suspenseful screenplay.
[14:45] wdalphin: "Person A, you *must* make gauge X read arbitrary value Y!"
"I'm trying!"
"You can do it! Come on, arbitrary value Y!"
"We only have a few seconds!"
"We're at arbitrary value Y - 1!!!"
"5... 4... 3..."
"We're still at arbitrary value Y - 1!!!"
"We are so fucked!"
"2... 1..."
"ARBITRARY VALUE Y!!!!"
"WE'RE SAVED!!!"
[14:45] wdalphin: Cheers and highfives all around.
[14:46] jakothewoods: Ah, I see. "saved at the last minute by a small margin" deals.
[14:46] wdalphin: No.
[14:46] wdalphin: Saved by some special number which something random MUST ABSOLUTELY BE AT IN ORDER TO SURVIVE.
[14:47] wdalphin: "The ship must be at an angle of 30 degrees on reentry or we'll burn up!"
"We're at 29 degrees!"

I just want somebody to say, "oh, well, good enough."
[14:47] jakothewoods: isn't that what I said?
[14:47] jakothewoods: Julie says hi.
[14:47] wdalphin: no, you were talking about the whole last second aspect of it.
[14:47] wdalphin: hi Julie.
[14:48] jakothewoods: hang on, I need to sign postcards.
[14:48] wdalphin: why can NASA build a six million dollar magic robot that can shoot Joaquin Phoenix ino space, but they cannot find enough lip to cover Tate Donovan's teeth?
[14:49] wdalphin: I find that rather troubling.
[14:49] jakothewoods: Why can NASA build a six million dollar magic robot, and then not spend the $10 to replace the loose screw that MAKES it shoot people into space?
[14:49] wdalphin: well, that, and the fact that they discover said six million dollar magic robot in some boy's closet, and the thing they're most concerned about is that two of their teenage astrokids are off the farm, and possibly engaging in activities that nobody at NASA has ever heard of.
[14:50] jakothewoods: I'd be worried about "boy who hid said robot in his closet"'s interpersonal skills.
[14:50] wdalphin: they could be... TOUCHING... or KISSING... or MAKING BABIES
[14:51] jakothewoods: whereas little Joaquin is engaging in... whatever with a MACHINE.
[14:51] wdalphin: magic robot had a pop-up head.
[14:51] wdalphin: I leave you to figure out what it was for.
[14:52] jakothewoods: I hide my mind in fear.
[14:53] jakothewoods: Okay, so it was a blah-say moovie, with cheap special effects, and lame dialogue. What's the rating?
[14:53] wdalphin: And you know what? When magic robot ... ran to NASA (how the fuck did he get there anyway? they went by car... does nobody lock up the magic robots at NASA???) to save Max, all he did was pop in and MAGICALLY READ MORSE CODE. THANK YOU MAGIC ROBOT, FOR TEACHING US NASA NERDS THE IMPORTANCE OF MONITORING OUR COMPUTER TERMINALS. YOU HAVE SAVED THE MISSION THAT YOU INITIALLY ENDANGERED.
[14:53] wdalphin: I'm not done ranting about it, give me a minute.
[14:53] jakothewoods: I stand aside in awe of your ranting.
[14:54] wdalphin: Every time the lights flicker wherever I am from now on, I will respond by cheering happily, "IT'S NASA! YAY NASA!"
[14:54] jakothewoods: It did strike me that Terry O'Quinn was a tad negligent in looking at the damn readout.
[14:55] wdalphin: It was clearly an important ship function, since the use of it let NASA flash on and off all their precious lights... and yet nobody was watching it.
[14:56] jakothewoods: flashing lights at the astronauts is only done as a party trick. "Hey check this out! Last time we did this Grissom wet his spacesuit!"
[14:57] wdalphin: It's just sad that nobody had the foresight to warn Tom Skerritt not to get on board the alien gyrogizmo in his later years.
[14:58] wdalphin: Kate Capshaw was an uppity bitch, by the way.
[14:58] jakothewoods: Oh, I don't know. I think there was a lot of contact involved in his gyrogismo experience. Mostly heavy rubble contacting him.
[14:58] wdalphin: Lea Thompson was all, "why are you getting on me all the time?" and Kate was like, "I do this because it's what you're going to need if you're ever to get into space! This is how *I* was trained!" -- and I just wanted to say, "uh, Kate... you STILL haven't gotten into space. Ever wonder if maybe they trained you wrong as a joke?"
[14:59] jakothewoods: Kate Capshaw should have fallen in the lava. I always liked Karen Allen better anyway.
[14:59] wdalphin: "By the way, Kate, how do you fit all that hair into your space helmet? Doesn't the airforce have standards when it comes to haircuts?"
[15:00] wdalphin: Even Alison Doody was better than Kate Capshaw.
[15:00] wdalphin: And she was a Nazi.
[15:00] jakothewoods: I dunno. I'm having serious trouble getting past her name.
[15:00] wdalphin: Although, if Alison Doody had drunk from the wrong cup, would anybody be able to tell?
[15:01] jakothewoods: :p
[15:01] wdalphin: I'd be like, "is that it? Is that the right one?"
"You have chosen poorly."
"How can you tell? She looks the same. Is she getting older? Is she rotting?"
"I... I can't be sure."
[15:01] wdalphin: and then she'd collapse into dust, and I guess that'd answer that.
[15:02] wdalphin: I can imagine a hundred different deaths for Kate Capshaw, and they'd all be fun to watch.
[15:02] jakothewoods: Some of the desert scenes where you see her in profile -are- pretty horrifying. I was like "Did they bring a scarecrow along with them?"
[15:02] wdalphin: If she got her head cut off, somebody might mistake it for a dehydrated chia pet.
[15:02] wdalphin: I wondered if they had mummified her.
[15:04] wdalphin: I don't understand how Alison Doody can have her skin be stretched so tight across her bones, and still cover her entire upper lip, yet Tate Donovan, a healthy young lad of 18, cannot.
[15:04] jakothewoods: Hey, did you know that Indiana Jones 4 is slated for release in 2008, according to IMDB?
[15:04] wdalphin: It's like someone was constantly yanking on the back of his head.
[15:05] wdalphin: That movie has been slated for 2 years from now ever since now was 5 years ago.
[15:05] jakothewoods: I thought maybe he'd been hit in the back of his head really hard, causing his skull to protrude forward some.
[15:05] wdalphin: How did he become a leading man of anything? It's a mystery.
[15:06] jakothewoods: He was blonde. Blondes always get first consideration. You genetic FREAKS.
[15:06] wdalphin: I wish NASA had designed magic robot with a pair of testicles, because I really wanted to kick it in them.
[15:07] wdalphin: worst magic robot friend EVER.
[15:07] jakothewoods: Magic Robot had a serious problem with inner monologue.
[15:07] wdalphin: I think the true antagonist of this movie was NASA though... they were terribly inept.
[15:08] wdalphin: Security-wise... launch-wise... programming-wise... VISUALLY INEPT... and they have a severe problem with their magic robots.
[15:08] jakothewoods: you'd think SOMEONE would have noticed J.I.N.X. zooming about going "Launch Max Into Space!" and told one of the leaders or mechanics or something, and diverted that whole big ordeal. Hell, one run-in with a strong enough magnet, and J.I.N.X. would have been drooling and chasing butterflies anyway.
[15:09] wdalphin: NASA forgot the most important item on any magic robot... an off button.
[15:09] jakothewoods: Even DATA had an off button!
[15:09] wdalphin: and how much would it suck to get to go to Spacecamp, and then end up in the group of kids that plays "Mission Control"?
[15:10] wdalphin: "I want to be on the shuttle!"
"Sorry, Timmy, but you get to play COUNT DOWN ANNOUNCER!"
"Awwww..."
[15:10] jakothewoods: *shrugs* Thems the breaks.
[15:10] wdalphin: meanwhile, the crew on the shuttle is the spaz group.
[15:11] wdalphin: "Can I sit in the shuttle for the engine test??? PLEEEEASSSEEE!"
"Sorry, Timmy, but that's for the spazzes."
"Awwww..."
[15:11] wdalphin: "It's okay, magic robot will blow them up! Would you like to see that?"
"YEAH!"
[15:12] wdalphin: **KABOOOOOOM**
"I love you, magic robot!"
"BEEPBOOPBEEP MAX IS IN SPACE!"
[15:12] jakothewoods: Yeah, all in all, I'd rather be mission control than mission field agent.
[15:12] wdalphin: Okay, I rate it a two.
[15:12] wdalphin: two magic robots.
[15:13] wdalphin: Actually, one magic robot is more than should ever be allowed in NASA.
[15:13] wdalphin: two magic robots = HILARITY ENSUES
[15:13] jakothewoods: I give it two. It was lame. But it was also the eighties, and we did lots of lame stuff then.
[15:13] wdalphin: One last question, just popped into my head.
[15:13] jakothewoods: hit me
[15:14] wdalphin: If magic robot could cause an engine to overheat, generating a THERMAL CURTAIN FAILURE and making NASA launch the shuttle.... why couldn't magic robot simply overheat both engines and fuck the whole threat of death?
[15:15] jakothewoods: thermal curtain failures don't work in pairs. they're solitary creatures, and if another one shows up in their territory, they go back to their lair and sulk.
[15:16] wdalphin: oh well.
[15:16] jakothewoods: ;)
[15:17] jakothewoods: Now if you'll pardon me, I have to go distract Julie. I think she's getting suspicious of the magic robot I've hidden under her stairs.
[15:17] wdalphin: okay, this is something new. For next week, I'm going to give you a choice, but you won't know what they are. The choices are comedy or horror
[15:17] jakothewoods: comedy - but I can't get back to you on it until I get home and watch the movie, which will be in about two weeks.
[15:17] wdalphin: Then you have chosen the new Pink Panther.
[15:18] jakothewoods: Can I change my choice?
[15:18] wdalphin: sure.
[15:18] jakothewoods: Steph hasn't seen the old Pink Panther yet, and I want her to go into it with a good taste in her mouth.
[15:18] wdalphin: You can keep Pink Panther, or go for what's behind door number two
[15:18] jakothewoods: Aleright, I'll dump new pink panther with no option of return to it, and go for horror, Monty.
[15:19] wdalphin: You have chosen: Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare!
[15:19] wdalphin: You lucky dog.
[15:19] jakothewoods: I see hell does have a name.
[15:19] wdalphin: :)
[15:19] wdalphin: have a nice day!
[15:20] jakothewoods: you suck.

Conclusion:
Jak: **
Wil: Two magic robots